Wolf Phoenix online
Interview with the Author
Q. Is Wolf Phoenix your real name?
A. No.
Q. Why did you pick it?
A. Why Wolf Phoenix? While studying my American Indian heritage, something I was not encouraged to do growing up, I learned that in many tribes of Native Americans, it was common for people to cast off the names given them by their parents and assume one of their own liking when they reached adulthood. The process involved studying nature and learning about animal behavior and mythology then choosing something that fit you.
Wolf came about because the wolf pack leader acts as a scout, hunting a place for his pack to live, then returns to them, teaching them what he has learned. As a teacher of court reporting, I felt that I had done that because I had gone out into the court reporting world and experienced almost all of it: Congress, two Presidents, the court system and freelance firm ownership.
As for the Phoenix part of my name, I am bipolar—used to be called manic-depressive when I was first diagnosed many years ago—and as such have lived a roller-coaster existence in every possible way. The main dynamic of my 61-year-long life has been that of soaring to unexpected heights of achievement only to crash into ashes, just like the legendary Phoenix. Fortunately, in the past few years a medication has been found for me that levels me out without bringing me down. So, now, my illness—and, yes, it is an illness—is under control, and I am enjoying a stability that I have never known before.
Q. Where did the idea for Erik Steppenwolf, and specifically, Irreversible Error come from?
A. Many years ago I knew a judge who got roughed up by what most of us at the time thought of as a street hooligan. After coming out myself and learning about the world of gay hustlers, I realized what had most likely happened to him. So, I came up with this idea for a story where a moralistic judge is exposed when he is murdered by a street hustler. Some time later I came up with the idea of Erik Steppenwolf and rolled them together and switched the story around to make it more interesting.
As for Steppenwolf, he is the result of what I see as a constant depiction of gay men on TV and in the movies as effeminate-acting men who are totally incapable of taking care of themselves in the real world. Coming out late, as I did, I found this not to be the case at all and wanted to write a character who more accurately reflected the kinds of gay men that I saw. The idea that gay men are incapable of taking care of themselves in the real world is ridiculous. We have had to exist in a hostile environment all of our lives, so we have developed major survival skills that most people are totally unaware of.
Q. So do you dislike effeminate-acting gay men or look down on them?
A. Not at all. In many ways I admire them. I have come to see them as the most honest and brave among us. I was taunted as far back as grade school in Oklahoma City about being gay, and I didn’t even know what that was. The truth is, because I was the first boy born into my father’s family in almost 20 years, I was raised around a lot of girls—my aunts who were closer to my age than that of their oldest brother, my father. So when I got to school, I knew how to play hopscotch, tetherball, jump rope, was a GREAT Jacks player, etc.
If you have questions for Wolf, send them to wolf@wolfphoenix.com
first exposed to it in the US Army in Germany by my buddies. The
first big rock concert I went to was Steppenwolf in Munich, Germany. We
went down on a USO bus from Zirndorf, Germany outside Nurnberg, passing
the hashish pipe all the way. We were pretty buzzed by the time we got
there, and once inside, there was a steady stream of joints passing
around the arena. What a rush! I’ll never forget it. As Archie and
Edith sang, “Those Were The Days!” Please note that Wolf Phoenix
cautions: Don’t try this at home. LOL! The sad fact is, like that old Beatles song, “No, no, no, no. I don’t smoke it no more. I’m tired of
waking up on the floor. No thank you, please, it only makes me sneeze.
And then it makes it hard to find the door.”
I joined the disco revolution in the 70s because I love to dance. So when I came out in the late 80s, I was glad to hear that disco was still alive and well inside the gay bars of Dallas. My hero—or should I say heroine—in those days was Madonna. Her ability to constantly re-invent herself is an inspiration to the Phoenix in us all.
While putting the finishing touches on Irreversible Error, I came across another musical inspiration, the work of Shawn Lee and Clutchy Hopkins. Their combined album, Clutch of the Tiger, contains a selection called “When I was Young.” For some reason I couldn’t get the picture of Steppenwolf’s love interest, Red, out of my mind as he danced to its kinky tune and beat. Clutchy has his own album called WALKING SDRAWKCAB (Backwards). My favorite selection on that album is "Song for Wolfie." I often put these discs on when I’m working. They are more mood music so I find them easy to work to. So, as you can see, I have slowed down a bit.
Q. You say in your bio that you want to be an inspiration to other men in the gay community who have reached, shall we call it, the Golden Girl years. What would you say to your peers?
A. You know, about a year ago I looked in the mirror and a very old-looking man stared back at me. I was startled. Denial is a wonderful thing until it flees the scene, taking illusion with it. That’s what happened to me that day. There I was retired, living in the country and without a life to call my own.
I decided that it was time to rejoin the world. I started going to a discussion group in Houston and started making friends. One day the facilitator of the group, using The Bucket List movie idea, asked each of us in the group what we would like to do before we die. For me the answer was an easy one. “I want to become a published author,” I said, almost immediately wishing I hadn’t said it. But it got me to thinking, and I came home and opened up my Word program and literally dusted off an old manuscript I had begun and not quite finished. Deciding to overcome my fears and insecurities, I started working on Irreversible Error again after almost a year off.
One of my new friends asked if he could read it up to that point, and I agreed. He loved it as far as I had gotten, and he gave me the courage to push on through to the end. Then, with much fear and trepidation, I sent it off to Dreamspinner Press hoping against hope that I would beat the discouraging odds that I had read about of a new author getting his first book published. Six weeks later, Dreamspinner offered me a contract on the book along with a sequel. I was elated, and it changed not only my life but my self-perception. After all these years, the Phoenix was flying again!
I truly believe in my heart of hearts that each of us has the ability to fly. It is only a matter of finding that which propels our wings and having the courage to launch. And in the weeks since I got the news of publication, I have made my way around the bars of Houston, meeting people, mostly men of my own generation, and telling them about my book. In the process I have found that if I reach out, people will reach back, adding another layer of contact in the real world. So being in my 60s hasn’t proven any worse than any other decade of my life. It’s just different. But because of all I’ve learned, somehow it is still the best so far. It gives me hope that the best is yet to come.
- - -
I joined the disco revolution in the 70s because I love to dance. So when I came out in the late 80s, I was glad to hear that disco was still alive and well inside the gay bars of Dallas. My hero—or should I say heroine—in those days was Madonna. Her ability to constantly re-invent herself is an inspiration to the Phoenix in us all.
While putting the finishing touches on Irreversible Error, I came across another musical inspiration, the work of Shawn Lee and Clutchy Hopkins. Their combined album, Clutch of the Tiger, contains a selection called “When I was Young.” For some reason I couldn’t get the picture of Steppenwolf’s love interest, Red, out of my mind as he danced to its kinky tune and beat. Clutchy has his own album called WALKING SDRAWKCAB (Backwards). My favorite selection on that album is "Song for Wolfie." I often put these discs on when I’m working. They are more mood music so I find them easy to work to. So, as you can see, I have slowed down a bit.
Q. You say in your bio that you want to be an inspiration to other men in the gay community who have reached, shall we call it, the Golden Girl years. What would you say to your peers?
A. You know, about a year ago I looked in the mirror and a very old-looking man stared back at me. I was startled. Denial is a wonderful thing until it flees the scene, taking illusion with it. That’s what happened to me that day. There I was retired, living in the country and without a life to call my own.
I decided that it was time to rejoin the world. I started going to a discussion group in Houston and started making friends. One day the facilitator of the group, using The Bucket List movie idea, asked each of us in the group what we would like to do before we die. For me the answer was an easy one. “I want to become a published author,” I said, almost immediately wishing I hadn’t said it. But it got me to thinking, and I came home and opened up my Word program and literally dusted off an old manuscript I had begun and not quite finished. Deciding to overcome my fears and insecurities, I started working on Irreversible Error again after almost a year off.
One of my new friends asked if he could read it up to that point, and I agreed. He loved it as far as I had gotten, and he gave me the courage to push on through to the end. Then, with much fear and trepidation, I sent it off to Dreamspinner Press hoping against hope that I would beat the discouraging odds that I had read about of a new author getting his first book published. Six weeks later, Dreamspinner offered me a contract on the book along with a sequel. I was elated, and it changed not only my life but my self-perception. After all these years, the Phoenix was flying again!
I truly believe in my heart of hearts that each of us has the ability to fly. It is only a matter of finding that which propels our wings and having the courage to launch. And in the weeks since I got the news of publication, I have made my way around the bars of Houston, meeting people, mostly men of my own generation, and telling them about my book. In the process I have found that if I reach out, people will reach back, adding another layer of contact in the real world. So being in my 60s hasn’t proven any worse than any other decade of my life. It’s just different. But because of all I’ve learned, somehow it is still the best so far. It gives me hope that the best is yet to come.
- - -
So you can see why a lot of my
classmates thought I was a little light in the boy department.
Q. So when did you know you were gay?
A. Isn’t that the hardest question for most of us? I guess for me it was when I realized that it said a lot about me that I wanted a boyfriend and not a girlfriend. I remember wanting to grow up to be Lucy Ricardo and marry Ricky. Isn’t that hilarious? The very idea of that became silly to me once I came out.
Q. You say you came out late. When was that?
A. I was 38. I was married to my second wife and had a great career going in court reporting. It was a big risk, the kind that crashed the Phoenix to the ground.
Q. So do you regret it?
A. I have learned not to regret anything. When I first came out, I heard a song called, “No Regrets.” I adopted it and hung onto that sentiment as I recovered from the emotional adjustments I had to go through when I left my loving wife, breaking her heart in the process.
Q. Who inspires you?
A. I have always been inspired by Charles Dickens. You know, he and I share two careers, now that I am about to become a published novelist. He was a court reporter, what the English call a court stenographer. He worked in The Old Bailey in London. When I left court reporting and began teaching, my first assignment was to go to England and teach English pen writers how to use our Stenograph Machine along with computer transcription software. One of the training centers that I visited and oversaw—although I wasn’t assigned to teach at that center—was The Old Bailey. It was a thrill. In fact, the entire year I spent in England teaching was one of the highlights of my life and helped me immeasurably to regain the flight of the Phoenix that I had so recently lost. But how I was most inspired by Dickens was the way that he used his talents as a novelist to address the oppressive social problems of Victorian England, a time much like our own.
I am also greatly inspired by Henri de Toulous-Lautrec. His lively poster art of the nightlife of Paris in his day brought that whole world into the light so that those who were not bold enough to go to such places could get the feel for it. As a gay author one of the things I am enjoying is bringing my world, the gay world, into the daylight so that others can come to know it.
Q. Is there anyone else who inspires you?
A. Yes, Harvey Fierstein. In my opinion he is a genius. When I first came out, Torch Song Trilogy had its debut. I went with my first boyfriend to see it in Dallas where I lived at the time. Oddly enough, that movie mirrored the first two relationships of my new gay life so closely that I still find it uncanny to watch.
Q. Was he the inspiration for the character Lola in Irreversible Error?
A. Sorry, Harvey, but no. The inspiration for that character was a female impersonator named Nacoma Shay who was a big favorite in the Dallas clubs when I came out in the late 80s and early 90s. She was fabulous! She never lip synced. She did dead-on impersonations of all the great ones of the time. Wherever you are, Nacoma, still love ya!
Q. Is Torch Song your all-time favorite gay movie?
A. Once again, I have to say, sorry, Harvey. It is great! But the one I never get tired of watching is a sweet little movie name "Trick." The two guys are so cute and so desperate, and the over-the-top performance by Tori Spelling made me a fan when I hadn’t been before. It’s just fun to watch.
Q. What about music? I notice that you use a lot of musical references in your work, even the name of your main character, Erik Steppenwolf.
A. Because of my age, I go back to the days of psychedelic rock. I was
Q. So when did you know you were gay?
A. Isn’t that the hardest question for most of us? I guess for me it was when I realized that it said a lot about me that I wanted a boyfriend and not a girlfriend. I remember wanting to grow up to be Lucy Ricardo and marry Ricky. Isn’t that hilarious? The very idea of that became silly to me once I came out.
Q. You say you came out late. When was that?
A. I was 38. I was married to my second wife and had a great career going in court reporting. It was a big risk, the kind that crashed the Phoenix to the ground.
Q. So do you regret it?
A. I have learned not to regret anything. When I first came out, I heard a song called, “No Regrets.” I adopted it and hung onto that sentiment as I recovered from the emotional adjustments I had to go through when I left my loving wife, breaking her heart in the process.
Q. Who inspires you?
A. I have always been inspired by Charles Dickens. You know, he and I share two careers, now that I am about to become a published novelist. He was a court reporter, what the English call a court stenographer. He worked in The Old Bailey in London. When I left court reporting and began teaching, my first assignment was to go to England and teach English pen writers how to use our Stenograph Machine along with computer transcription software. One of the training centers that I visited and oversaw—although I wasn’t assigned to teach at that center—was The Old Bailey. It was a thrill. In fact, the entire year I spent in England teaching was one of the highlights of my life and helped me immeasurably to regain the flight of the Phoenix that I had so recently lost. But how I was most inspired by Dickens was the way that he used his talents as a novelist to address the oppressive social problems of Victorian England, a time much like our own.
I am also greatly inspired by Henri de Toulous-Lautrec. His lively poster art of the nightlife of Paris in his day brought that whole world into the light so that those who were not bold enough to go to such places could get the feel for it. As a gay author one of the things I am enjoying is bringing my world, the gay world, into the daylight so that others can come to know it.
Q. Is there anyone else who inspires you?
A. Yes, Harvey Fierstein. In my opinion he is a genius. When I first came out, Torch Song Trilogy had its debut. I went with my first boyfriend to see it in Dallas where I lived at the time. Oddly enough, that movie mirrored the first two relationships of my new gay life so closely that I still find it uncanny to watch.
Q. Was he the inspiration for the character Lola in Irreversible Error?
A. Sorry, Harvey, but no. The inspiration for that character was a female impersonator named Nacoma Shay who was a big favorite in the Dallas clubs when I came out in the late 80s and early 90s. She was fabulous! She never lip synced. She did dead-on impersonations of all the great ones of the time. Wherever you are, Nacoma, still love ya!
Q. Is Torch Song your all-time favorite gay movie?
A. Once again, I have to say, sorry, Harvey. It is great! But the one I never get tired of watching is a sweet little movie name "Trick." The two guys are so cute and so desperate, and the over-the-top performance by Tori Spelling made me a fan when I hadn’t been before. It’s just fun to watch.
Q. What about music? I notice that you use a lot of musical references in your work, even the name of your main character, Erik Steppenwolf.
A. Because of my age, I go back to the days of psychedelic rock. I was
